Keep Those Credit Card Balances High Please
I am noticing that a lot of folks just can’t control their desire to buy with credit cards. They cannot control having high balances. People who took a wise step in getting out of 18% credit card rates through refinancing their home are running their balances up again. The intent was good, paying off those high interest rate balances.
However I have observed:
The urge to buy is running high.
The urge to spend is in control again.
The strength to resist just does not exhist.
Being mature - a trait that doesn’t endure.
So being the pragmatist I am. (ho ho ho) I decided to make the mobs of credit card addicts my benefactors. I took my entire retirement investments and put them in the new mutual investment fund you may have heard of: “Credit Card Cocaine Fund”
“Credit Card Cocaine Fund” is a unique fund that purchases stock in companies that understand the human addiction to high balances and using up every ounce of credit limit one can acquire. It focuses on companies with research departments that identify the people that are willing to pay the highest rate of interest. It has the uncanny capacity to spot those companies that willingly raise the credit lines of those most likely to use them.
Now how about this for business savvy! One of these companies has determined how to identify the genetic propensity to become addicted to continually having credit card balances. Yes this is a fact.
These genetic marvels start receiving toy credit cards for Christmas and anonymous birthday presents beginning at age 8. This idea came from James J Smoke, who was a noted research analyist for the cigarette industry. Smoke is solely responsible for persuading the candy companies to start selling chocolate cigarettes. They had to subsidize the candy companies as this ended up in providing greater sales for the cigarette companies long term. It became a fact that the kids stopped buying the chocolate kind for the hard stuff, you know real cigarettes.
So old Smoke used this knowledge and moved on to higher income at the international advisory council for earning high rates of interest. It is said, his idea of toy credit cards is garnering him a huge bonus.
Aside from all this complicated data, is the simple fact that my retirement is in your hands, all this thanks to the new investment fund that targets the right people buying the right stuff, any stuff. That is any stuff paid by credit card.
Keep those credit card balances high please. I must retire someday.
Better yet, you could move to Addictsville, Texas (shown below) where you must make every purchase with credit cards and are subject to an annual audit proving you never pay the balances off.
Larry Cragun
